LaurynBrooke

19 years old
Female
from North Richmond, CA

  • Activity

    • Considering Suicide

      6 months ago

      LaurynBrooke

      i don't know what to do anymore. Life just isnt working out. I know you are all gonna say is that im too young, there is so much to live for, it gets better. But sometimes it doesnt. Maybe things get worse. I constantly fall into my deoression. I always push people away. I try not to, it just happens. I beat myself up for it, or anything midly wrong. I spend hours checking social medias, making myself sick because im not close friends like they are or im not making something cool like she is or im not pretty like those girls. And its killing me. I can't live like this anymore. I haven't showered in weeks, I've eaten so much I've gained 20 pounds in a month, I had sex just to feel liked for a moment. All this just adds fuel to the fire. 

      I'm too far gone to be helped and saved now.

      I just want to say something just in case someone (even though I doubt it) wonders about me if I go missing.

      I want to end saying that Roosterteeth and the RT Community helped keep me going this far, but it doesn't help anymore.

      I wish you all the best and I hope you do amazing things.

      I'm sorry I hurt and let you all down.

      <3 Lauryn

    • I'm sorry.

      10 months ago

      LaurynBrooke

      (trigger warning: mentions of depression and suicide)

      hello, 
      I just felt like making a little apology since I've been not the best lately. I haven't been following through on the things I said I would do. I haven't been as involved in the friend groups I've joined. I just haven't been meeting the expectations I've sent for myself and I feel like I am letting so many people down.
      So what's been going on?
      It's hard to explain since it feels like it hit me all at once. There have just been a lot of pent up feelings of insecurity, anxiety, lonliness, depression, and being lost. I have an awful habit of comparing myself to others, it was to the point where I would spend hours upon hours refreshing people's profiles to see what they were doing. And if they did something that I wanted to do (example: art/workout progress, get compliments/attention) it would feel like a punch in the gut. It would hurt so much, but it was the only feeling I could get. So I did it all the time. 
      I feel like I have nothing to prove who I am. I feel like I don't draw enough to call myself an artist. I made one cosplay so I can't be a cosplayer, I don't read as much as I should. All I do is sleep and overthink things. I don't shower anymore, I'm overeating (which makes me worry about my weight but that's a whole different topic) I can't seem to talk to people and it not be about my mental health. I just feel like there's nothing for me to live for and I don't deserve any of the good things. 

      So who am I?
      I don't know. I'm so used to being someone's shade and following along. I don't like that, I don't like being a hollow shell. I want to do my own thing, but I dont want to be alone. I'm so tired of being alone and watching people have friendships and relationships.
      Often people say," just be yourself, you'll find your people in time". It's hard to believe a lot of the time. I didn't have many friends growing up, I hardly have any now. I can't help but think there is something wrong me. Am I too nice? Am I not nice enough? Maybe if I did this or that people will want to be my friend. I want to have close bonds with as many people as I can. I want to help others and make them smile. 

      This went off the rail, I just want to be good enough. 
      I'm sorry for my existence.


    • Love Letters from me!

      1 year ago

      LaurynBrooke

      Hello!

      I know Valentine's Day is approaching and I am all for showing people some love, so I thought I take the advantage of the day and write some lovely letters to you guys!

      So if you would like a letter ( gotta be comfy with giving me your address) feel free to fill this form out!

      https://goo.gl/forms/B87EO98H9iBBI4822


      <3

    • To Kaylee,

      1 year ago

      LaurynBrooke

      Oh Kaylee,

      I love you so much, let me just start off with the obvious. I think you are funny and beautiful and a very talented artist. Fun fact, I actually admired your art skills a while before we started talking and becoming friends. I just thought you were so good and I wanted (still do) to be good like you. I hoped you would want to be be my friend to, then we became mutuals and it made me so happy because it’s like “I’m gonna be seen by the cool Kaylee yes”. I should mention that I’m writing this with no preparation and I just woke up, so if there are mistakes, I do apologize.

      Back to me loving you,

      You are so funny. Your tweets and comments in Maddy’s chat make me smile so much. I adore your humor and think you are wonderful. Speaking of making me smile, YOU ARE SO NICE! LIKE SO SO NICE! Why are you such a kind soul? You always offer an ear for me to vent when I have bad days and even offer to draw together (which we still need to do) when I was in a funk. I just want to hug you and say thank you, you believe in me and that’s what I need.  You are supportive and I don’t deserve it but thank you so much. I need to meet you in person so I can hug you properly because I am a man of my word.

      You are so beautiful???

      I genuinely think you are a gorgeous human who blesses this earth. I live for your selfies. You have pretty blue eyes, and nice lips ( I don’t mean it in a creepy way I just like the size of them they are perf). AND YOU CAN CONQUER THE WORLD WITH THOSE BROWS! I love you and I just wanna smooch you. You are so beautiful, with or without makeup. There is just something about you that gives me a vibe that says magical, like a witch or a goddess of sorts. I’m sorry it’s so vague.

      I know you are going through a hard time, life is being a little shit. I just want you to know you won’t be where you are in a year, 5 years, 10 years from now. You will get away from your family, and have friends only one text away who love you and will bring you smoothies and pizza and cheer you up.  You will get your dream home, with a cute bunny friend, and the snazziest  art space money can buy. I believe in you, Kaylee. I know life has better intentions with you, but it’s just being an asshole right now, but it will get better. You are loved, by at least me. I am not much, but I know there are more people who love you and will love you. You are not an idiot or useless, you are smart and talented and important to me and many other people.  I care about you so much and want to see you again. I want you to be in my life for a long, long time.

      I love you so much Kaylee.

      Love,

      Lauryn <3

    • To Maddy,

      1 year ago

      LaurynBrooke

      So, its nearing the end of your birthday and I couldn't pass up the chance to be my emotional self and write a little something to you! Apologies in advance since it's super late and your boi is tired. But here goes nothing!


      Happy Birthday!! It's to be expected, I want the celebration of you being born to be happy, I want any day for you to be a good one now that I mention it. You deserve such wonderful things. Keep chasing your dreams and let nothing, NOTHING stop you. Not doubt, not anyone's opinion, not a damn thing. You are capable of so much and I want to see you achieve greatness in whatever your heart wants.

      You are so fun to watch on Twitch, and listen to on podcasts. It's a bit weird to be a fan of one of your friends, but I am. I love your personality so much. Your streams are highlights of my day and I try to stop by, even for a few moments. It's nice because I can feel close with someone without being physically close (I love watching let's play) and just being in a chat is all I need sometimes. The spaghetti fam makes me feel so accepted. Just thank you for all that warm inside feeling (its not heartburn don't worry)

      And then I met you in Austin...

      I nervous to meet everyone and doubted that people wanted to meet me. You were one of the first to invite me over for something and I was so giddy. I don't go out much and it was the first times I experienced a "social life". Hugging you was so nice, it was worth the wait.

      This is turning into about me, let's go back to you.

      You are so inspiring to me. You are helping me get into some interests I have like makeup and acting. It's so helpful that I have someone to go to for my million and one questions. Even though,you are suppose to mentor me about the rt community, it's nice for other things too. You are someone I feel rather close with and I am so grateful to call you my friend.

      I love you so much @MaddyMonster and I can't wait to hug you again (and squad up). You are gorgeous, funny, and a top meme. Keep being yourself, I know you will go far.

      <3

      -Lauryn

    • Going Sugar Free

      1 year ago

      LaurynBrooke

      I'm about to make a big change to my diet. Recently, I've been consuming a lot of sugar and sweets. Candy, soda, cookies, juice, soda, brownies, did I mention soda? It was getting to old bad diet territory where I would have 2 sodas, at least a day. It was starting to concern me because one of the reasons I even began this weight loss journey was because I was at risk of getting diabetes. I don't want that, especially not after how far I've come.

      So here I am, ready to cut out sugar.

      These are the guidelines I'll be following:

       •Avoid artificial sugars

       •Avoid processed food

       •Use honey in teas instead of sugar

       •Black coffee for caffeine boost

      This is of course easier said than done and will become a challenge quickly since I live in a household where everyone has a sweet tooth. But I will be strong and I can do this! Just gotta have self control. My goal is to keep this up for at least 30.

      Starting weight is 162.8lbs.

      Besides, I'm already sweet enough.

      <3

    • Buff Buddies Update

      2 years ago

      LaurynBrooke

      I weighed myself tonight and I found out I've gained weight. I feel so disappointed in myself because I lost control. I feel like a disgrace to Buff BudBuddies

      I just hate myself.

    • Why Bother?

      2 years ago

      LaurynBrooke

      Struggling to find motivation to do anything. I am falling behind in school. I never seem to be in a mood to draw. I haven't worked out in a week. I just don't want to do anything.

      I feel like giving up. I'm just not driven.

    • 5 Things I Love About Myself

      2 years ago

      LaurynBrooke

      I saw @SailorTweek talking about what she loves about herself and she kinda tagged me because I read it. Also, I need to practice more positivity and self love.

      So let's begin!


      1. I love my sense of humor. It's a mix of things I find funny. I like to tell jokes that would make me laugh and I am lucky to be surrounded by people who get my jokes and I tricked them all to think I am funny. I always try to make others smile/laugh.


      2. I have a slow growing collection of notebooks/journals/sketchbooks because I like to write and draw. Most of them are blank but I still like having them.I have a lot of ideas in mind and I am overcoming my perfectionist mindset and going to begin working in them. Or I am just a hoarder of stationary supplies.


      3. I low key love my butt. I've been on a weight loss journey for 2+ years and it has been a rough journey. I am slowly loving my body and trying to not compare mine to other girls, and it took a long time before I can finally say "I like this about me" and I am just learning to be happy with the skin I'm in. My butt just reminds me that all my hard work is paying off. Plus, I have been told multiple times by girls, that it's nice,so that's a bonus.


      4. I love to plan things. I used to stress myself out and worry about what I need to do and it was a mess. I started making lists and planning what I want/need to do and it help me not get into a panic. I love feeling organized. No one really taught me, it was just something I discovered and I am so glad I did. Lists are my personal favorite.


      5. I have a never ending love for Spongebob Squarepants. I still watch it to this day. I remember tracing my spongebob notebook because I wanted to draw him. I had books, toys,clothes, poster,blanket, anything with that little sponge. I even wanted to marry him. Spongebob got me interested in art and animation.

  • Comments (31)

    • SailorTweek FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTX Head Guardian

      2 years ago

      Happy Featured User Day! smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

      • LaurynBrooke

        2 years ago

        Thanks a mil! â¤â¤â¤â¤

    • IdkBlue Praise Newbs

      2 years ago

      merry featured user day!

    • fondueit FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold ODU Monarch

      2 years ago

      Happy FU Day! smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • Dudemoo FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RT_ON & RT_OTT admin

      2 years ago

      Congrats on being the featured user! YOU. ARE. SPECIAL!!! smiley13.gif

      • LaurynBrooke

        2 years ago

        Im not special, but thank you! :D

    • Audrey

      2 years ago

      Congrats! smiley0.gif

    • supertits FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold No Longer Super!

      2 years ago

      PROCEED TO FREAK OUT

      I KNOW AN FU WHO IS ALSO A FRIEND smiley12.gif

    • skyrmion

      2 years ago

      Congratz! your on the featured page. :D

    • Bellzebob

      2 years ago

      Congrats on being Featured User!

    • PulpFreeOJ

      2 years ago

      Hope you're having a good day! Congrats on featured user! smiley12.gif

      • LaurynBrooke

        2 years ago

        Thank you! My day was okay! Hope you are doing well! :)

    • Guillermo FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Bad Hombre

      2 years ago

      HI LAURYN!!!!!!! Lauryn is awesome because i make her say insane things....lol smiley13.gif

      • LaurynBrooke

        2 years ago

        HI WILL!!!!!! Thank you! You are awesome!

    • indiart28 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTX 2017 Guardian

      2 years ago

      Congratulations on earning the Achievement: "Featured User!"

    • LadyOddDuck

      2 years ago

      Happy FU day!

    • Tillyisfat FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      3 years ago

      Happy Valentine's day Lauryn! You're the most radical friend ever, BRUH. smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • LadyOddDuck

      3 years ago

      Happy Valentine's Day, Lauryn! You are a great person and lovely to talk to. All of your little messages on Twitter are inspiring. I hope you're having an amazing day.

      This comment brought to you by the Warm Fuzzies Project. Now go spread the love. smiley12.gif

    • Audrey

      3 years ago

      Thank you for being nice and for being on The List! smiley12.gif
      Spread the love with Warm Fuzzies of your own today!

    • supertits FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold No Longer Super!

      3 years ago

      Hey, Lauryn, hey~yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

      tumblr_lnluj8NSYs1qg7fnl.gif

    • AlexOpossum

      3 years ago

      <3 HULLOOO!

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